Fractured thoughts: Rusty to Steve
by whisperinglately
Summary: poetry: thoughts by Rusty from the book Rumblefish by S.E. Hinton, directed to Steve...it's sort of leading into a story, but i need some help...editing the second chp. probably and continuing the fic. ideas, praise, and flames wanted!
1. Default Chapter

pov: rusty, sort of talking to steve  
  
_________________________  
i crossed the bridge  
and let you see  
i wonder if you'll ever forgive me  
but i don't care really  
  
because i don't care at all  
cause i'm past feeling  
its below me  
  
get away  
you're below me  
  
don't worry  
i got what i deserved  
my brother died  
and i went to jail  
  
i almost went blind  
and i went to jail  
  
my brother wasn't in jail  
with me  
he's dead  
and i wonder where he's at  
he probably knew  
before he died  
  
i think he knew everything  
  
but he thought i was too weak  
so he didn't tell me  
no, he didn't tell me  
because he loved me  
he did  
that's why he came back  
before  
  
and i bet wherever he is  
he hates himself for leaving me  
when he died 


	2. Chapter Two

^^^^part2^^^^  
[thoughts of rusty-james after seeing steve, directed to steve  
these are thoughts and kind of start a story, i'm not sure where i'm going with this. praise or flames accepted. also, ideas on editing this and/or continuing it are much appreciated.]  
  
i never wanna see you again  
i know it's not a part of your plan  
but i got a life  
and it's all about forgetting yours  
  
so don't  
don't try  
because i  
  
i'm sick of remembering  
i'm sick of the  
dreams  
nightmares  
i'm sick of you  
i've been sick of you  
didn't you think there was a reason  
why i didn't talk to you  
never called  
in five years?  
  
so go  
and be happy  
smile and forget me  
cause i'm gonna forget you  
  
i'm trying to  
  
-----------------  
  
i hate my face  
  
----------------  
  
the house  
used to be a half-way house  
now they changed it  
now i have to pay  
  
the bathroom is still spray-painted  
with words that used to make you cringe  
  
you probably live in some fancy dorm  
don't you?  
i always knew you'd grow up  
and be a pansy  
  
---------------  
  
this face of mine  
it's too hard to get rid of  
everyday i see him  
i broke my mirror  
but i could still see him in the shards  
  
---------------  
  
is she beautiful?  
your girlfriend?  
  
i don't see why you want to remember  
those things  
  
like your first kiss  
would you care if your girlfriend knew  
who your first kiss was  
well, you don't even know who that girl was  
  
but  
you act like you're so much better now  
believe me, it never goes away  
you're still that stupid kid  
  
-----------------  
  
i had one picture of him  
my dad sent it to me  
the last time i talked to my dad  
four years ago  
i decided to talk to him  
decided i might as well  
but then he had to give me that picture  
damn dad  
i threw it away  
and then i picked it up out of the trash  
and threw it away again  
and again  
it's got a spot on it now  
and a piece of tape down the middle  
  
------  
  
i found you  
where you live  
you do live in a stupid dorm  
it's white with red on the edges  
  
i walked over there at  
three in the morning  
there were bright lights  
everywhere  
it was like a city  
  
and you're number twenty-three, twenty-five  
stupid dorm  
stupid lock  
  
oh well  
you probably don't want to see me anyways  
you were just being nice  
huh?  
so nice  
cause you think you're better than me  
you think you're smarter than me  
brother, this college don't make you smart  
living makes you smart  
and man, i've lived  
i have a life  
....had a life  
  
-------  
  
oh c'mon  
like you've never been woken up in four in the morning  
say, how long has it been since you've been there  
since you've walked those streets  
those streets that my brother died in  
got shot down by a dirty cop  
go back to sleep, steve  
i gotta go  
  
-----  
  
he fucking got shot down  
and for a second i couldn't see the blood  
well i couldn't tell it was blood  
i hadn't been used to seeing black blood  
but then it was red  
like the tails on those fish  
he died for those fish  
damn fish  
then they died, too  
and damn, they deserved it  
  
-------  
do you got any food, steve?  
i've been half-starved my whole life  
and since you're so fancy now  
i figure you can spare a sandwich  
what do you think?  
no i haven't gone to sleep yet, it's only five o'clock  
you pansy  
----- 


End file.
